Feeling Crushed Inside

Feeling crushed inside is equivalent to a broken heart. Yet you are not alone in your brokenheartedness – indeed, you have the greatest comforter when you’re crushed.

A single, shiny, silver image of a mother, arms reaching out to embrace, sparkling gemstones denoting the birth months of my precious four…this used to rest close to my heart on a sterling silver chain, before it became too tarnished to wear.

Near and dear, a symbol of sweet little ones who fill our treasure chests with jewels and our quivers with arrows. As I tenderly wipe away tarnish, remaking pendant anew, I await being able to adorn it again, close to my heart, right where they are held.

Outside, darkness looms amidst a massive shutdown.

Stark, solemn streets and squares. Hospitals overwhelmed with virus, overworked and exhausted, overflowing with people, spilling out into basketball courts and hotels, a job for which we never dreamed they’d be intended.

Jobs lost…loved ones lost.

The elderly who pass away in solitude and loneliness, the doctors who have to decide who gets to live and who doesn’t get another day. Poverty and suffering and on and on and on. Hits our core, shakes our understanding of any kind of normalcy.

Our COVID19 pandemic epitomizes a time of worldwide chaos and uncertainty, unlike any most of us have ever seen, will ever see. If we escaped the most tragic effects of this COVID19 and our schedules are just annoyingly adjusted and a bit cut off, we can count ourselves fortunate and thankful to be in such a coveted group.

But there are many who are singing a very different tune, maybe mournful and crushed, perhaps frantic and worrisome. Hardly able to breathe in the midst of disease, in the midst of loss, what the future holds is unknown, much less the day.

In the history of our world and the peoples who’ve existed throughout the ages, perhaps one of the most commonly asked questions is that of suffering – why such anguish and why a God who allows it?

The answer is multi-faceted and, on this side of eternity, not always clearly answered for us. Perhaps something to delve into another day, but for now, my cry is to reach out and offer a precious truth to those who themselves are crying out in the midst of pain and sorrow.

❤️ The LORD is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. –Psalm 34:18

The LORD is near.

He is near.

~ Near, specifically, in our brokenness.

~ Near in our shedding of unending tears.

~ Near in the loss, near in the crushed.

Jesus is inexorably and forevermore at our side when we weep, even contending in proximity like an appendage itself:

“For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” (Is 41:13).

Holding our right hand.

Surely if we consider His character, it is not even a question whether the God of the universe is a God who mourns and weeps with us. In the Old Testament, God witnessed the rampant sin and destruction of his creation and grieved.

💕 Jesus himself shed tears over the passing away of dear, beloved Lazarus.

💕 His heart was moved as he witnessed the sorrow and suffering of those around him, lamenting the loss of their loved one.

💕 He sees the people, like sheep without a shepherd, with compassionate eyes.

💕 With empathetic heart, He took pity upon those in need, those suffering and crying out for a savior.

💕 He caused the lame man to walk, stopped the years of bleeding in a woman who was out of answers, gave sight to the blind man, cast out demons for the one agonized, fed the hungry, raised the dead.

See how He loved him…

I rest my head against the window, taking it all in. Pendant shining, freshly bathed and ready for the wearing, small but able hands close the clasp then circle around to climb the lap. Breathe in, breathe out, the sterling silver rests upon me, so near…

little one sits close with me, entwined in her mommy’s loving arms…

all these blessings of life, here with me to comfort and assure when my own mama heart is aching amidst the halt of adoption plans. The world on standby, closed borders and air travel that has all but ceased, agencies that seem to be frozen, another month without lists of names and ages and needs, spilling into the laps of hopeful parents-to-be –

it crushes.

Comfort hungry, I finger the charm, wrap my arms around the blessings so near and dear

Yet still, never as close as the Lord mending the many pieces of the heart torn asunder

If you’re feeling crushed inside, first know that He is near to you in your pain. Give him those sorrows and fears; He has already proven his immense love for you and is a sure source of comfort in your suffering. Rein in those promises in His word. Hold fast to the one who loves you most.

The LORD is my rock and my 
fortress and my deliverer, 
my God, my rock, in whom I take 
refuge, 
my shield, and the horn of my 
salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2

When we’re faced with insurmountable task, He is near. He is near to the broken-hearted. Don’t for a moment believe He is blind-sided – He sees our pain and hears our cries. And He is not an indifferent God. His heart swells with love for his people, for a world for whom He chose to suffer greatly and die an excruciating death.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends
-John 15:13

But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy.
-Titus 3:4-5 

And we must not forget the second part of the ever precious verse of Psalm 34:18. Not only is He at our side, but He saves the crushed in spirit.

Unquestionably so, many of those who are grief-stricken do not know the creator of the universe:

~ They’ve never encountered the sweet touch of the Holy Spirit in the
still, silent moments; ~

~ never had the veil lifted off the unseeing eyes at the revealing of gospel’s mystery; ~

~ never wept at the revelation of their sin, then wept again at the amazing grace He offers to wipe away the sin. ~

When we are brought so low we feel we wouldn’t, couldn’t, possibly delve any deeper…then is the time the Lord so frequently makes opportune to see the cross. Then the fields are ripe for recognizing the truth of our sin in the face of a holy God…and receiving the gospel message that offers the grace to cover that sin. 

In the suffering, comes the salvation. 

No, we may not always have the answers, but we have something we need so much more – an infinite and mighty God, dearly in love with us, holding us close. Closer than symbolic pendant worn against the skin…He is in our hearts to comfort and by our side to guide. 

Let Him lift you up – not always having the reason behind the whys, but always resting in a capable God who loves and holds you near.