HSP/HSS…How Do You Manage?

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person who’s also a lover of life and adventure? Wondering how this can be? Though a tricky road is in store, you can learn how to manage both your sensitivity and your sensation seeking.

The First Epiphany

You know how it is when you stumble across something life changing?

That’s how it was when I found out I was an HSP.

Years of confusion and misunderstanding about myself, my deep emotions and the way the world troubled me were answered in a moment. Mere minutes of simply skimming a book in our public library, an expected gem uncovered, and after the culmination of many years searching for some mysterious treasure.

Finally, the jewel simply alighted in my hands.

Read the story here.

The Second Epiphany

Discovering the truth of my unique high sensitivity brought the bright sun dawning to my life…but I still had questions unanswered.

If I was so sensitive and in such need of downtime and quietness, why did I feel such a strong pull to always push myself?
Why was I ever craving something exciting, something new?
Why did I tire of routines and become bored with certain situations, even people?

Just this past summer, I ordered myself a copy of Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person by Dr. Elaine Aron. I had wanted to delve into the book in an effort to help one of my kiddos and their own highly sensitive struggles. 

Little did I know the nugget waiting for me inside.

I had heard the term High Sensation Seeker (HSS) before, perusing various HSP sites or on Google hits…but I had always brushed it away as not pertaining to me. If there’s anyone who takes to holing up in her house, it’s me, a little mouse cozied in the tiniest crook, morsel of cheese nearby.

But this time, “High Sensation Seeker” shining up at me from the page beneath my fingertips, I decided to investigate further. 

What I read was almost equally as startling as the First Stumble Upon.

A detailed portrait, a list of clues pass before me…the pieces fit, the light is lit, and the sun arises on what was once a girl partially dimmed in the shadows. 

Answers…
relief…
understanding.

To think of little introverted me, a High Sensation Seeker…!

Definition

Before you rush off thinking a sensation seeker is someone dying to hurl themselves off a cliff attached to a bungee cord for a little fun (at my age, that is no longer me!), let me provide some illumination…

Typical Characteristics of a High Sensation Seeker

🌟 Has an inherently curious nature
🌟 Loves an adventure
🌟 Enjoys travel
🌟 Has a driven personality
🌟 Always up for a challenge or a thrilling venture
🌟 Alert to opportunities for something they can cash in on
🌟 Drawn to variety, rather than routine
🌟 Easily bored, both with circumstances and people
🌟 Delights in new experiences, rather than the familiar
🌟 Intense in personality 

From Hsperson.com:

…if an opportunity is sensed, the Behavioral Activation System (BAS) is alerted. It wants to send us out into the world immediately to get what we want or simply to explore. Those with a strong BAS are naturally more curious, eager to “go for it.” This trait is called High Sensation Seeking (HSS, or sometimes it’s called High Novelty Seeking). {link}

Wow. What a picture…always searching after the new and exciting, eager for change.

After reading this, Can you imagine how hard it may be to be both HSP and HSS?

In fact, you may be wondering how it’s earthly possible to exist both highly sensitive and high sensation. Internally, feeling the need for peace and quiet, yet feeling the pull towards the adventuresome.  

Yes. It’s insane. And here we come to…

The Single Most Troublesome Conflict of my Adult Life

What you’ll find with people who are both HSP and HSS is that the high sensation side usually wins out. 

Hello, dear exhaustion. You and I are intimate friends, aren’t we?

If you’re highly sensitive and high sensation seeking, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

You feel terrible, but the opportunity is there, and you just can’t seem to quit. You’ll drag yourself through life fending off a barrage of nervous breakdowns because you didn’t stop to breath, rather than miss out on a fun new venture.

Having these two traits guarantees a challenging path, and you are most certainly in the minority –

“It can be difficult to recognize a highly sensitive person who is an extrovert, especially if he or she is also a high sensation seeker, because the majority of sensitive persons are not either of these.”

– Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person

But it is possible to live as both highly sensitive and high sensation, it’s just tricky as can be. In me, it can look like this – 

~ someone who travels but overplans (excessively) in advance

~ who chooses a large family, fullness of heart and home, despite feeling chronically drained

~ who keeps researching when she’s seeking info and can’t seem to move on

~ who never gives up, being the most persevering person she knows

~ who’s always looking for opportunities and deals

~ who’s compelled to always attend a party or just has to ride that coaster, even if these ventures completely terrify

Who’s always had trouble maintaining friendships.

Perusing Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person for the first time, my heart was panged with : “Sensitive persons who are also high sensation seekers have an even harder time meeting people who are both sensitive enough and adventuresome enough.” Indeed, “…it is a serious problem throughout their lives.” 

Relational difficulty.

Finding friends who are equally as deep as they are exciting.

All problems inherent to me.

Sometimes things just never seem novel enough – I can even bore myself! 

And the trait is present from birth. It’s not something you can develop in yourself as you grow and mature.

I still remember my early years, feeling holed up in my home, so driven to do something, so eager to get out there and make something of myself (at the young age of 8!), desiring something new, a change. I would make schedules for myself in the house in an effort to write in some excitement into the day.

Never seemed to work so well – I always came out unsatisfied and as bored as ever.

To look at it another way…

I have one child who’s an extreme HSP, all wrapped up in hesitation and cautiousness, overthinking each and every circumstance and decision, with strong emotional reactions and a keen eye for detail in everything.

I have another child who’s most definitely a sensation seeker, has a million interests, is always on the go go go, very active and loving life, never stopping for breath or backward glance.

Now imagine both of those children living inside the same body, always fighting against each other for what they need and want.

This is how I describe to my husband what it’s like to be me.

“It is as if the patient suffers ‘yet keeps going back for more.’ One foot is on the brake, the other on the gas.”

– Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person.

Do I speak of a lifetime of grief that awaits?

Not at all.

But being high in both traits can be quite difficult, especially if you’re not attuned to the fact that you “score high” in both categories and cannot adjust and bring a balance to your life.

Tips

So where to find the happy medium in all this?

As an HSP/HSS…how do you manage? Honestly, if you possess both traits, know that you were quite uniquely created. That’s something to celebrate, marvel at, and benefit from in this life. In one sense, you get the best of both worlds.

You can immerse yourself in your creative being (all HSP’s are), knowing you will paint a masterpiece of meaning in your life, also knowing your sensitivity benefits others (and yourself) in tremendous ways.

You can also reign in such times of excitement and new pleasures, you may feel the world is your canvas, a million brushstrokes waiting to fill it. Your sensitivity enables you to bask in the heights of greater joy as you soar through those delightful experiences.

In addition, if you’re these things plus an extrovert (I am not), you exist in an even smaller pool of folks. 90% of HSP/HSS people are introverts.

As I’m slowly making sense of all this and learning to navigate life well, knowing the inherent struggles I need to confront daily, a few tips may help ease your soul and bring peace and joy in the midst of strife.

As an HSP/HSS, here are some tips to help you manage:

1. Stagger the sensitive side and the sensation side

Yes, you may be wanting to race out to fancy-free day trips, intriguing excursions, and explosive gatherings and my full advice is to GO FOR IT – just make sure you schedule the quiet moments around or amidst those exciting times. If you’re bustling out and about, don’t schedule too many days in a row, sandwich them in-between peaceful, low-stress days spent at the house. If you’re on a trip, stretch it out a bit and just plan some days where you can relax at your hotel and not have to feel the typical adrenaline push that seizes you. Even in your weekly schedule, look for ways to plan moments of rest, as well as moments of something that will feed the intrigue of your curious nature.

2. Find an HSP/HSS spouse

If single and desiring marriage at some point in life, it’ll work best to find someone who is also both highly sensitive and high sensation seeking, like you. This may seem like a tall order – after all, there aren’t too many of us – but it’ll really save you much grief if you can find someone who can appeal both to your sensitive, need-for-quiet side, and your on-the-go, need-for-adventure side.

3. Have a troop of friends who can individually meet the different needs of the HSP and HSS side

It’s not uncommon for an HSP/HSS to have several one-on-one friendships, rather than a group of friends they’re drawn to. Each individual friendship they nurture touches upon a different aspect of either their sensitive or sensation trait. You may have one friend who loves to take walks in nature and have deep conversations, another who loves attending concerts and events with you. As stated above, it’s fabulous to find someone who can speak to both sides of your personality, but HSP/HSS’s are really few and far between.

4. Listen to your body

Like I previously mentioned, the sensation seeking side pushes against the sensitive side and usually wins out. Learn to listen to your body…if you’re crumbling from exhaustion and stress, it’s time to take your sensation side and stuff it for a bit. You’ll be glad you did in the end, and you’ll really win out once you can make this a daily habit.

5. Learn to say NO

Grandiose plans, excitement over a new project or possibility…sometimes we feel like we can accomplish the world (and we’ll truly want to). But saying YES to too many things will burn out that little flame quicker than you think. And your sensitive side will be paying the price.

6. Always have an exit plan

You probably already innately do this. If you’re planning a social excursion, have an easy way you can withdraw and depart the scene, in case things get too overstimulating.

7. Give grace – a break from the guilt

Above all, please learn to give yourself grace. You’ve been gifted with challenging internal components and to understand it will be a lifelong journey, learning to navigate these intricacies well. The more grace you give, the more you can relax and take your time in growing self, the sweeter the aroma of life you’ll exude to those around you, the better you’ll feel, the more you’ll be in tune with God and be walking in His ways.

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person and a High Sensation Seeker? Let me know in the comments below. Or send me a line, I’d love to hear your story.

HSP/HSS’s of the world, let’s bond together and unite! 🤗