Too Sensitive For This World

Are you commonly described as being too sensitive? Do you routinely struggle with feelings of being overwhelmed? If so, read on…you may be a Highly Sensitive Person.

This is it. 

This is exactly the post I “needed” to hear when I was muddling my way through my dark, confusing youth. 

In an instant the phrase, “Too sensitive for this world,” rings a conjoining alarm in my heart as I spy the overview of my life, little steps ranging the years of toddlerhood to the great strides of full fledged adult.

In a lifetime epitomized by…

too many choices
feeling very different from others
emotions felt at a depth unparalleled to others
feeling lost in the crowd, needing time away from others
a hunger for deep interpersonal connection that felt largely unmet
bouts of fear, worry, dread at uncontrolled situations and emotions 
feeling out of control, never on top of things situationally or mentally, lacking peace
complete emotional exhaustion at the end of the day
an overwhelming stratosphere of complex mental structure

…little did I know, every facet of my being was characterized by a Highly Sensitive makeup.

This reality of being Highly Sensitive set its fingerprint upon my childhood, though unbeknownst to me at the time. In crucial ways, it defined and set the broken path…broken, as I was unaware of the cause of my sorrows and descended a destructive direction until illumination arrived.

That illumination didn’t shine until I became an adult.

In those moments of reading the first few chapters of Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person, I wanted to cry-scream-jump for joy-something. None of the books on depression I had read when I was a youth ever touched on how I truly felt inside.

The Highly Sensitive Person knew me so well, it described me.

It was like reading a portrait of myself, like someone had jumped inside my head and laid out my own feelings and experiences on printed page.

At last, I had a reason for why I felt the way that I did all those years.

A reason for where all my misery had stemmed from in the first place.

And when you have the reason for the sorrow, you can find the solution and the path to joy.

What is a Highly Sensitive Person?

Too easy to classify a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as someone who is simply sensitive emotionally, while this is certainly part and parcel to the make up of the Highly Sensitive, it’s only one of the components.

In short, an HSP is a person with an over-sensitive nervous system.

The nervous system itself is highly complex, a massive network of cells and nerves that carry message to all the nooks and crannies in our bodies. Actions are coordinated and sensory information uploaded via this system. We sense the environment around us, awash with all of it’s ongoing changes, and we process and handle that information accordingly, all via the nervous system.

~ When we walk into a room and things are out of place, or we notice a person sulking in the corner, our nervous system is at work.

~ When the smell of apple pie freshly baking wafts up the stairs to meet our most inquisitive noses, our nervous system is awake.

~ When our kids run into the kitchen, all full of life and sunshine, and the volume turns up ten notches, plus the dog is barking and music is murmuring in the background, our nervous system is alive and kicking.

~ When we reach for the loveliness of vibrant flower, only to jerk back a second later at the tender touch of thorny blade, our nervous system is hollering.

~ When we taste that aforementioned pie, savoring the bites slowly and with much satisfaction – yes, our nervous system is responsible for that, as well.

Now imagine those situations and others like it – with the setting turned up to 12. 

But the Highly Sensitive factor doesn’t only apply to some heightened senses – we’ve only begun to scratch the surface.

…Perhaps when we see the person sulking, we notice everyone else doesn’t seem to see or care…and that bothers us. And we wonder what we should do, the meaning behind the downcast, if the soul will be alright tonight.

…Perhaps at the scent of mouthwatering pie, we being to make plans to settle into scrumptiousness, but then we remember our husband loves this pie and he won’t be home for several hours.
And we remember the quiet girl next door who’s been having such a hard time and we wonder if we should take extra time to invite her over for pie a la mode.
Yet we recall promising little ones many satisfactory bites at two p.m.
The pros and cons of this and that rush at us faster now, a myriad of information to inform our final decision.
And now we’re over the top wrestling with how to proceed forward with what seemed such a blessing minutes before.

…Perhaps the little sweet army we’ve housed for these many years, though love and delight of our days, has reached a volume and pitch such that we feel our every cell is shrieking for peace. Our fuse is short and our ability to function has somehow magically vanished before our eyes.

Suddenly, the simple has turned complex. Much more complex.

Being highly sensitive isn’t simply sensory overload. Having the overly touchy nervous system means every minute detail in front of us – all the ones that other people miss – is ready and waiting for processing.

The amount of overload the HSP registers each and every day is burdensome beyond imagination.

Seemingly nothing is missed, meaning every thought and sense needs to be filtered and processed in a power plant that doesn’t contain just three sorting bins, but twenty-seven.

To be concise, in Elaine Aron’s book Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive, she outlines a helpful acronym (D.O.E.S.) for the make-up of an HSP. Here’s a short synopsis on each:

Depth of processing – taking in a significant amount of surrounding information and processing it deeply, pausing and reflecting prior to action, leading to slower decision making & increased time between tasks. The brain’s insula (responsible for self-awareness and perception) is more active in an HSP, as shown in this brain imaging study.

Overstimulation – an overload on the senses, to an intolerable degree, even leading to difficulty in functioning

Emotions/Empathy – emotions felt deeply and intensely, much more so than the average person. They can intuitively sense other’s feelings in a keen way, picking up on the emotions and inner life of others. This can be seen in the increased activity of mirror neurons shown in the brain scans of HSPs.

Sensitive to Subtleties – noticing subtle details around us, such as in the environment or non-verbal cues, details that others routinely miss.

There is much research that has been done in this field.

A common word to describe the daily plight of the Highly Sensitive is Overwhelmed.

With all the information and extra details an HSP takes in, then comes the necessary processing of all that data – much more than the average person.

Perceiving more details means having more options, thus more decisions to make, making the decision making process slower and exhausting; HSP’s can develop pretty severe battles with indecision.

Having to combat extra unwanted noises and deal with complex emotions can make them want to dash into a quiet room and bury their head.

By day’s end, a Highly Sensitive Person’s system has been overtaxed by all the stimulation and mess of the day, it’s a wonder they can pick themselves up and do it all over again tomorrow.

What a Highly Sensitive Person is NOT

• Highly Sensitive is not a disease or a mental illness

• The term HSP is not based on conjecture or guess, but extensive research 

• They are not simply introverts

• An HSP is not simply emotionally sensitive

Put it succinctly, HSPs are NOT simple

How to Know if You (or your loved one) is a Highly Sensitive Person

Within the vast scope of the Highly Sensitive, individuals are incredibly unique.

There is no one clear formula for exactly what an HSP looks like, though there are distinct markers.

Highly Sensitive People aren’t exclusively introverts, though there are about half as many extrovert HSPs as there are introvert HSPs.

Above values shown in %.
Data sources Dr. Elaine Aron and Myers-Briggs organization.

And though a Highly Sensitive Person is more susceptible to emotional issues and difficulty in childhood (part of their “differential susceptibility“), there are many who have a very positive childhood – even increased ability to benefit from that happy youth, called “vantage sensitivity.”

If you’ve read all the above, but are still desiring further insight into personally what defines someone as an HSP – Yes, there is a handy checklist created by Dr. Aron herself, a starting point if you suspect you or someone or else or even your child may be Highly Sensitive.

Is this revelation a relief for you to read? Such was for me, the first time I discovered the term Highly Sensitive Person and what it meant!

Read on in my next post to explore an extensive list of the blessings and dangers of being an HSP – and hang in there – I’ll be posting soon on ways in which you can thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person.